Our Memories Are Not Our Enemies

Survivors very often struggle with memories, repressing them or replaying them. But our memories are not enemies. Yes, they can be painful, or inconvenient, or elusive, or irritating, but they are not actually our enemies.

It’s easy to spend a whole lot of energy avoiding memories, fighting them, or sugarcoating them. As we realize that they can actually help us, though, we can very gradually learn to look at them and understand what lies behind them.

When our memories are painful, let’s never rush to examine them. Even if a repressed memory suddenly comes back strongly, we don’t have to dissect it immediately. It’s okay to take a quick look, acknowledge that something bad happened, and then put it in a pretend “box” to study later. Maybe say a quick prayer to your Friend who is always with you, something like “Wow, Jesus. Did you see that? Just awful. Thank you for staying close by me. I trust you to help me deal with it when the time is right.” And then move on to something else.

When memories are intrusive, and they keep playing in your head so you can’t think about anything else, they become useless or even harmful. It might be helpful to make an actual list (written, or on your phone) of pleasant memories. Most people cannot simply empty their heads; we generally have to be thinking about something. So when those bad memory reels start spinning, you can look at your list and focus on a good memory.

Think about the event as hard as you can. Remember as many details as possible. What were the sounds, smell, colors? Could you taste anything? What were you wearing? What was there that made you smile, or that was surprising? The good, happy details will help push out painful, useless memories. It takes some practice but I think you’ll eventually find it helpful.

Photo by Rirri on Unsplash